- Apr 29
My Search for Tazkiyah (Part One)
- Rashidoon -
- 2 comments
He was told to stand in front of the whole class and was then told off by the teacher for causing trouble. The situation was tense! While the students were nervous, I was busy analysing his head shape! I knew Adnan was a very good guy, not a trouble maker. I had analysed his head many times before and linked it to his good character.
I was running that analysis quite often during that stage of my life. I was ten at the time, and I would analyse the head shape of everyone I encountered and make an initial judgement of their character.
I had this weird way of drawing an imaginary line that ran parallel to the jawline of a person to the back of his head when glancing at him from the side. This line would meet another imaginary line that also ran backward, parallel to the top of his head. If the meeting point was farther back, my conclusion would be this person has a pleasant character. If the two lines met earlier, this meant this person’s character was not the best.
It helped me navigate the social environment at the time, and as far as I can say, my conclusions were fairly accurate.
Looking back at this, I could see something else brewing underneath. I had an obsession with understanding human nature and behaviour. I remember that I would often wonder why I or someone else did what we did. It was not something I consciously decided to do, but it was an intuitive tendency that ran on its own.
This Series
In this series of blogs, I share the journey I have had in search of Tazkiyah. I could only connect the dots looking backward. It is my belief that we all have this natural quest to understand life and know how to figure it out. When we share our stories, we will be surprised how much we have in common. Sometimes, other people’s stories help us solve mysteries in our own story.
I hope this series will help by offering clarity, and I ask Allah to make it a means for readers to see the value and potential in Tazkiyah.
Years Later
My father was very keen on me and my siblings doing well in school. I did well for the most part, but I never enjoyed school work. I found myself instead reaching out to my father’s library. There were a couple of books on how to raise children, written by Muslim scholars. Despite being 13 at the time, I read those books many times. I lost my sense of time when I indulged in those books. I had some objections to the way my parents were treating us; those books seemed to give me the language and understanding to frame my thoughts and articulate them.
Yes, I did try to have discussions with my father based on them. As you may have guessed, that didn’t end well.
Fortunately, there were a few books in my father’s library that were related to what was called practical psychology. Reading, at this stage, became the way my early obsession found a way to channel itself and grow.
There was a particular book that has left a lasting mark on me. “Renew Your Life” was the title, by the well-known Egyptian thinker Muhammad al-Ghazali. He wrote the book after he had read a translation of Dale Carnegie’s best seller: Stop Worrying and Start Living. Al-Ghazali’s book was an attempt to trace back valid ideas from Carnegie’s book to their Islamic roots. Until this date, I can still remember the excitement and joy I felt every time I read this book, which I did more times than I can remember.
The book was a big transition for me in understanding human nature. I said to myself many times, “this is what I want to do with my life!” I found my path in life. It was the first time I had a clear sense of direction and purpose that resonated deep within. I felt alive like never before! It seemed as though life had opened its arms for me. Deep down, I knew I wanted to help others as a means to serve the Deen of Allah, but my religious education and upbringing did not offer such a lively and thrilling prospect.
A couple of years later, as I was roaming the streets of Amman—capital city of Jordan—I spotted Dale Carnegie’s book in a book stall. I was electrified! I never thought such experiences existed. It felt like finding my roots after a long time of being lost! To accidentally spot the book that inspired the writing of your favourite book! It was like hitting gold in Treasure Island!
I didn’t have the money to afford the book at the time, but I came back to it and ended up reading it many times. I never got enough of it! It was a heavenly experience to read it one more time! Each time!
In university, I was lost again. I didn’t like the studies and was just cruising aimlessly. One day, I thought I’d explore the library. A story of love began that day. I would not go to classes. I spent my days reading books on psychology and behaviour. It was like paradise for me! I would read at the library. I would borrow books and take them home to devour.
It is only now that I am able to understand what was going on. There was a thirst, a quest to understand humans, myself included. It was not forced or learned. It was a deep, innate need. And when I did something to satisfy this need, I felt alive! I was looking for answers to questions I could not articulate.
I read most of the textbooks assigned for students majoring in psychology. I even attempted to switch to studying psychology at university. I went to check the department, and I was disappointed when I saw the teaching staff. Most had messy hair, thick glasses, and looked and behaved weird. I knew I couldn’t do that.
Soon after, Allah opened my heart to learn Islam seriously. I had lost direction and was gliding aimlessly during university. I left without completing my studies. I wanted to know what life was about. My thirst to know Allah more was awakened at that stage, and I felt an overwhelming sense of missing Allah and wanting to come back to Him.
What happened next changed the course of my life forever.
To be continued…
-Moutasem al-Hameedy
2 comments
Left us on a Cliffhanger 😅!
Looking Forward to Part 2!!
Some things that Stood out from part one:
“I had an obsession with understanding human nature and behaviour.”.
“I would often wonder why I, or someone else, did what we did.”.
“An intuitive tendency that ran on its own.”.
💭 I kept thinking of ‘The Fitrah’ as I was Reading, The Natural Life Force of The Heart towards Good.
The Heart’s Capacity for Learning (Life) Urging us towards Making Sense of our Life, Consolidating our Encounters and Processing our Experiences through True Accurate Understanding Based upon Deep Realisation and Knowing and Insight (Light).
Life Seeks Light.
An Alive Heart Seeks illumination - The Fitrah’s Natural Tendency and Urge, a Path of Clarity and Awareness and Alignment.
This also Reminds of The Purpose Structure (Amaanah) Inside us — Urging us Towards Asking The Bigger Questions, The Higher Questions, to Contextualise Existence through The Greatest Deepest Truths and not limit ourselves to small superficial facts.
يَعْلَمُونَ ظَـٰهِرًا مِّنَ ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا وَهُمْ عَنِ ٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ هُمْ غَـٰفِلُونَ
‘ They only know the superficial outer appearance of this worldly life, but they are totally negligent of The Afterlife. ’ [30:7].
💭 A Person that has The Aakhirah (Afterlife) in their Vision 👓 🌌 ⚖️, this person Experiences Life differently and Goes through Life differently compared to people who are occupied with this world only (negligence of The Aakhirah). The Word “Ghaflah” highlights they are preoccupied with anything other than The Aakhirah, they are busy with everything other than The Aakhirah … so The Aakhirah doesn’t feature in their experience, their lack of connection with The Aakhirah and no relationship with The Aakhirah means that it has no influence on how they experience existence - they are only influenced by the physically visible materially seen things in this world - which is superficial and lower and temporary when compared to The Aakhirah!
Not all facts are at the same level - an obsession with small details and superficial facts can often obscure The Bigger Context and Greater Clarity that only Higher Truths Offer!
When I think about The Qur’an, I see that what it Calls us towards is An Understanding that is Based Upon The Bigger Context of Higher Heavenly Truths so that we do not get lost in smaller earthly material details.
ٱللَّهُ يَبْدَؤُا۟ ٱلْخَلْقَ ثُمَّ يُعِيدُهُۥ ثُمَّ إِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ
‘ Allah Begins Creation, then He Repeats it, then to Him you will all be Returned. ’ [30:11].
^ This Summarises Life like Summarising a Story - A Beginning, A Middle, and an End. Life has a Structure to it. Life has Stages. Life is not random. We Start from somewhere (Introduction), then we go through Stages and Phases (Chapters), then we Arrive at a Destination (Conclusion).
The Qur’an itself Calls us to Reflect, to Contemplate, to Understand, to Make Connections, to Put Pieces Together, to Unpack, to Question, to Unravel, to Rediscover, to Figure out, to be Reminded … All for The Purpose of Aiming At, Focussing on, and Arriving at The Highest Truth.
أَوَلَمْ يَتَفَكَّرُوا۟ فِىٓ أَنفُسِهِم ۗ مَّا خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضَ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَآ إِلَّا بِٱلْحَقِّ وَأَجَلٍ مُّسَمًّى ۗ وَإِنَّ كَثِيرًا مِّنَ ٱلنَّاسِ بِلِقَآئِ رَبِّهِمْ لَكَـٰفِرُونَ
‘Have they not Reflected Within themselves? Allah Only Created The Heavens and The Earth and what is in between them for The Truth and for a Specific Amount of time. But many people disbelieve in The Meeting with their Rabb (their Owner, their Nurturer, their Maintainer).’ [30:8].
Allah is Always Inviting our #ConsciousAwareness 🔎 Upwards to Repeatedly Return Towards what Matters Most, for our Awareness 🔭 to Be Directed Towards The Higher Bigger Context 🌌 ⚖️ , so that we are Regularly Reminded of Reality in a way that Contextualises Life Accurately and Healthily so that we Relate to Existence Based Upon Truth and thereby Navigate Life Truthfully according to how it Really is 🧭 🗺️ — Allah’s Revelation Maps out The Territory of this world according to how it Actually is and Presents The Purpose of this Life Most Accurately based upon a Heavenly View that comes from Above Creation and Encompasses both the seen and The Unseen aspects of Reality (which is a Full and Complete Picture, because it Includes and Accounts for The Unseen Reality too).
“We all have this natural quest to understand life and know how to figure it out.”.
💭💭 Our Hearts by their very Nature are So Hungry and So Thirsty for The Correct Understanding!
Hunger and Thirst is a Sign of Life - it is The Innate Instinct and Natural Desire for Consumption, Nourishment, Feeding, it is the means by which we Grow (When Consuming Good Elements) - The Heart is Hungry and Thirsty for The Truth … which is The Light!
Exposure is Feeding.
Elements are The Food and Drink.
Inner Feelings and Heart States (e.g. Love / Pleasure / Satisfaction / Fulfilment, or Pain / Agitation / Regret / Anger) are what get Activated … depending upon what elements we are exposed to and occupied with.
The Natural Life Force of The Heart Urges us Towards illuminating The Heart with Light, by Finding Light and Seeking Light and Coming in to Contact with Light (which we often refer to as ‘knowledge’ or ‘information’ in modern terms) #Truth #GoodElement #GoodExposure #Nutrition #Enhancement #Growth #Development
What is Personal Development in Reality? It is Exposure to The Highest Truths, Feeding and Growing and Enhancing The Heart upon The Highest Truths so that The Heart is on a Journey of Becoming Better and Improving and Developing Upon The Highest Realities and The Highest Realisations - this is What The Heart Seeks by Nature, Authentic Growth and Genuine Development … which can only Happen by Close Regular Consistent Contact with The Highest Deepest Truths! #Exposure #Elements #Occupancy #Activation #Levels #Maintenance #PersonalResponsibility / #Amaanah
This is how The Heart’s Eyes Open, Strengthening its Vision and its Baseerah.
فَإِنَّهَا لَا تَعْمَى ٱلْأَبْصَـٰرُ وَلَـٰكِن تَعْمَى ٱلْقُلُوبُ ٱلَّتِى فِى ٱلصُّدُورِ
‘It is not the physical eyes that are blind, but it is The Hearts within The Chests that are blind.’ [22:46].
“ The blind person is not somebody whose eyes cannot see, but rather the blind person is somebody who has no insight - even if their physical eyes are sound, they still cannot learn the lesson. ” [Tafseer Ibn Katheer].
“ Give Life to your Heart with Lessons, illuminate your Heart with Thought, Strengthen your Heart with Yaqeen (Strong Belief and Acceptance) in The Truth. ” [At-Tafakkur wal-I`tibar, Ibn Abi Ad-Dunya].
💭💭💭 Why are Hearts blind? Because many hearts are not being Exposed to The Nourishment they so Desperately Need! Many hearts are starving and dying because they are not being Fed The Food (Truth) that they are Originally Designed to Chew on and to Swallow and to Digest and to Process and Absorb The Content of!
If we are not chewing on The Right Food (Highest Truth), then we will not absorb The Right Content (Light / illumination).
Many people are chewing on lies, falsities, misguidance, surface small low temporary facts (darkness), which The Heart is not designed for! When The Heart chews on darkness, this compromises The Life of The Heart and causes blockages in one’s Inner System (this is how #Taste gets corrupted. #EvilElements #EvilExposure).
The Heart can Only be Healed by Light, illuminated by Light, and Revived by Light — which is The Highest Truths — This is what The Heart Seeks by Nature, and this is what we have a Responsibility to Give The Heart and Allow it to come in to Contact with. Otherwise, The Heart will only suffer further disease and eventual death for as long as it kept away from The Food and The Drink (Light, Highest Truths, Deepest Realities) that Keeps it Awake #Yaqatha and Alive #Hayaat .
“Sometimes, other people’s stories help us solve mysteries in our own story.”.
💯 Really Enjoyed this Blog Post, so Glad The Blog is becoming more Active Now! I Still Remember when I used to read the old Rashidoon Wordpress Blog around 10 - 11 years ago, I felt like it had a significant impact on me and I really enjoyed the reads - even the long ones! - “I lost my sense of time” <— This is how I would feel when I read the blog posts!
“Those books seemed to give me the language and understanding to frame my thoughts and articulate them.”.
I also feel that when I was reading the blog posts, as well as the way the content was presented and expressed, it would unlock something inside or speak to something within and would resonate - felt like it is speaking to realities that have been inside for a long time, but hadn’t verbalised and didn’t know how to put it into words or access as a practical experience in life - would take my awareness to a place that is unfamiliar in the sense of I haven’t been here long enough to know it, yet at the same time familiar in the sense of it being Deeply True and Real and Native and So Close to Human Nature and how things Really Are.
“When we share our stories, we will be surprised how much we have in common.”.
Please do continue to share, Alhamdullillaah the Reads are Much Needed! BaarakAllaahu Feekum!
Patiently waiting! Jazakum Allah khairan.