The Difference Between Generosity and Wastefulness

At what point does an act of generosity cease being a virtue and become the blameworthy act of wastefulness and tabdheer?
Such a tough question, eh? Two people could be spending the same amount of finances on themselves and their family, yet one of them is praiseworthy and the other is not! How come? This is what this article attempts to clarify.

If you are going to differentiate between generosity, miserliness, and tabdheer based on the amount being spent or the level of need or necessity in which the person is spending, you will hit insurmountable obstacles. There will be situations when all these criteria are identical, yet one instance of spending is considered generosity, while another is seen as a mere act of reckless spending! Very likely, you will find yourself in situations where you will have to answer the following question: Is my spending in this instance an act of generosity, or is it one of wasting money?

To start with, let’s put it this way: If you spend only on necessities, you will surely fall into miserliness and incur the resentment of those you are responsible for. And when you spend on what is not necessary, you will be considered by some as wasteful!

So, where do we draw the line between reasonable, generous spending and wasting? Any answer you provide will never be a matter of agreement! So how can we know the difference?

In my understanding, the difference between generosity and squandering cannot be identified at the surface level of how much you spend or what level of necessity is involved. The answer cannot be found at this level of analysis. In fact, understanding the complex nature of this question is extremely important to be able to answer it.

Generosity is not an act. Yes, there are acts of generosity, but generosity itself is a function of our heart. It is not even a product of our analytical faculties. Like all virtues, generosity is an action of the heart. It is a spiritual reality that expresses itself in thoughts, intentions, and acts of offering to others from what Allah has given us. Generosity is not limited to material possessions. It can be expressed in offering people respect and regard, sending them good thoughts and intentions, and being kind and forgiving.

If an act of generosity is offered from our ego, it cannot be called generosity. Our ego doesn’t have the concept of giving for the sake of it. Our nafs believes in trade-offs and personal gain. So, when it offers something to others, it wants something in return. No act of giving can be considered generosity if this is where it comes from.

This means you can’t think your way into generosity. You can only tap into your heart, where generosity originates. When it is activated at the gut level, you feel the urge to act on it. In this instance, you can either facilitate this generosity and observe it taking place, or you can obstruct it and try to stop it.

Generosity comes from the heart. It is our fitrah in action. And when spending comes from this place and is based on a heartfelt trust in Allah and His generosity, no amount of giving can be seen as squandering or waste. In this sense, generosity cannot reach an extreme level where it can be called an act of wastefulness.

Remember the incident when Abu Bakr (RA) brought all of his wealth to the Prophet (PBUH)? That’s it! This was when Umar (RA) had brought half his wealth and thought he would surpass Abu Bakr. However, he realized that the level of trust and generosity Abu Bakr possessed could not be matched. Have you ever wondered why Umar (RA) didn’t go back home to fetch the other half of his finances to offer them to charity? It was not about Abu Bakr’s numbers but about that level of faith and trust in Allah that Abu Bakr (RA) possessed. Ibn al-Khattab was only willing to give as much as his heart was ready to genuinely give. The race he had with Abu Bakr (RA) was not one of external parameters but of inner growth of the heart and deeper tapping into his soul.

When our persona or our ego is the source of what we think generosity is, this is where we have to be critical and careful. No amount of spending that comes from our ego can be generosity. Our ego cannot produce genuine generosity, just like an orange cannot produce apple juice. I repeat what I said above: Generosity is a function of our spiritual essence and cannot be produced at our cognitive thought level.

When our mind produces what seems to be an intention of generosity, it is a cheap replica—a forgery mimicking generosity for the sake of securing some transactional deal. It is selfishness disguised as kindness, an act of deception. This is why spending from this superficial level of functioning cannot be praiseworthy.

It is narrated that the great Tabi’ee Sufyan al-Thawri was invited on a couple of occasions to participate in good deeds. Upon instant reflection, he declined and said: “I don’t sense a genuine intention within me to do that, so I decline!” Some people are amazed at this response and might think he turned down an opportunity to do good. But he had a level of self-awareness that allowed him not to fake good deeds for the sake of any purpose. He understood that good deeds have to come from the heart, not from the surface self or the ego. This is sincerity at its best!

The only true connection we have with Allah goes through the soul, deep in our hearts. Our minds and our ego-self cannot connect directly to Allah. They are not designed for this function. We have to reach Allah through the only means of connection we are equipped with—the heart.

When we do things because we have to, because everyone else is doing them, or because we are expected to do them, we act with a sense of obligation, not choice. This is generated at the level of our surface mind, which by design cannot connect to Allah. Our hearts—our spiritual essence—are naturally connected to Allah and the matters of the unseen world. It is at this level that all virtue originates.

External actions resulting from such experiences are what we call sincere acts of worship and good deeds. Merely performing external deeds without the spiritual connection to Allah means we are engaging in a physical exercise that has no connection to Him. Our minds can only do that for a logical reason, and the only logical reason our minds have—when not in a state of acting to express the spiritual essence—is selfishness, ego, and short-term blind self-interest. This is what good deeds lacking sincerity are about.

We can only properly differentiate between generosity, miserliness, and squandering by examining where each comes from. If holding back comes from the wisdom of the soul because the situation requires it, then it cannot be an act of miserliness, even when those who don’t understand call it so. The same applies to generosity and tabdheer.

The difference is essentially one of essence rather than a matter of degree or mathematics. And this approach guarantees that we are implementing the statement of the Prophet (PBUH):

“Deeds are indeed by their intentions.”

Note: I wrote this piece in 2020. Since then, my thoughts about some concepts such as “mind” and “spirituality” have changed towards a more traditional view. I kept this blog post in its original shape since the theme and ideas still stand true.